Learning To Trust In Others Begins With Learning To Trust Ourselves

Trust is a funny thing, either you have it or you don't. When it comes to the question of trust, most psychologists agree with Bowlby's theory of attachment. If an infant is raised in an environment where their caretaker(s) is present and nurturing then more often than not the child trusts that the world is a safe place to explore. That being said, even the most trusting of children can lose their ability to trust if their family is fractured by divorce or death. Trust is the glue that binds relationships. If that epoxy is not the foundation of any relationship, then like a poorly built boat, eventually it will spring a leak and sink.

Trust can be as elusive as a jaguar, and as resilient as nature. The key to trusting others, begins with a strong trust in self. That means knowing who we are and having faith that we can pick people to care about us that are worthy of our love. It also means knowing when things are not healthy for us and having the trust we need to move on. How do we trust ourselves? The first step is self-evaluation. We have to be honest enough with ourselves to acknowledge that we may not place as much trust in ourselves as we should. This is typically obvious in the quality of our life and relationships. If we are not happy, then we are not trusting our worth. When we trust in ourselves, we know that we deserve joy thus we seek out only those people and experiences that honor us.

If we are totally honest with ourselves, we can recall relationships that we knew were not entirely healthy for us. Not necessarily destructive, but simply not supportive of our intrinsic value. Most of us eventually walked away, but for some the price was high. Our self-esteem was affected and it made it even more likely that we would end up in another relationship that did not honor the great people we were. Do we subconsciously seek out relationships and experiences that allow us to replay our childhoods? If we felt unloved as a child, as adults will we seek out that love with a stranger? The experts agree that there is some truth to that theory. Unfortunately for many, the people that they attempt to receive love from, are as emotionally unavailable as their childhood caretakers, thus it becomes a catch 22. Only until we step back from our relationships and have the courage to honestly examine them, will we see just how little trust some of us might have actually had.

We come into this life alone and we die alone, yet in between we have the privilege to love and be loved. the great Carl Jung posited that without "you" there can be no real sense of "me." As human beings we do need interaction with other human beings. We all crave love and want to feel close to others. Yet, if we cannot embrace our separateness, then we can never fully appreciate our togetherness. So many look at the periods when they are in between relationships as misery personified. They are "lonesome," and feel like they are in idle until they meet that special someone that will fill them up. Sadly, they miss a wonderful opportunity to build up a strong and loving relationship with themselves. They never fully grasp the concept that the greater the relationship they build with themselves, the greater their future relationships with others can be.

Today have the courage to examine your life. Are you happy with where it is going? Are you happy in your relationships? Is it hard to be alone? We don't have to be single to learn to trust ourselves. We have the ability to step back within a relationship and reclaim ourselves at any given moment. Ask yourself honestly "do I trust myself?" Some people may shrug their shoulders and answer sheepishly, "I don't know." On the back of the dollar bill it says "In God we trust." we have seen it our whole lives, and we never question it. Most people simply trust in God, yet where is it written "trust in self"? Do we think it is selfish or narcissistic to place more trust in ourselves then those around us? Why can we not be autonomous first? Place trust in yourself first and you will see how much happier and healthier your relationships can be. Remember "In self we trust."