Believing That True Happiness Is Living Our Lives Internally

Authentic self-esteem should be stationary and unaffected by outside conditions. Individuals with a strong sense of self-value can separate who they are from external factors. Like a ship on the sea, they don't let the waves knock them off course-they are able to overcome the conditions. Unfortunately far too many individuals allow people and life's circumstances to define their happiness. They are not able to separate who they are from outside conditions. This makes for a life of constant ups and downs-they are like a boat tossed about on the sea of life.

True happiness should be a constant state of self-fulfillment-not relational to what is happening outside of ourselves. When we stop allowing external circumstances to define our happiness then we experience true freedom. How do we not allow external factors(people, events, etc) to affect our happiness? First we have to face the painful reality that we are telling ourselves that we are not enough, thereby allowing those external factors to manipulate our sense of self. Until we recognize this we will never be free from it. Once we are able to separate circumstances from our sense of worth, then we can change it. When we feel that knot in our gut that tells us we are allowing people, things, events to manipulate us, we have to stop and take hold of the situation. We have to make a conscious decision to act as our own counsel- use self-talk to soothe ourselves and redirect ourselves back inward. We take our power back by making the conscious decision to do so. It is that simple.

We have to learn to separate ourselves from the external circumstances in our lives. We must learn to live our lives internally. In other words, we are not the external labels that we might be experiencing such as "poor," "single," "unemployed," etc. These are just outside factors or conditions existing in our lives-they do not define who we are as spiritual beings. We are born into a culture that programs external living. we are not taught as children to live our lives internally. If we look inward then we are told we are being selfish. Who we are is our own decision-our birthright. It should be a constant. Far too many of us see ourselves AS the external conditions in our lives. We feel bad because we are unemployed, unable to find a mate, struggling financially, or feel burnt out in our jobs or lives. If we cannot consciously separate ourselves from these external factors, then like a victim being robbed, we simply hand over our personal power and become victims of circumstance.

Realizing that we are not the external factors in our lives, might very well be the key to happiness. As a spiritual being, we can never truly be happy if we don't separate WHO we are from all of the external circumstances in our life. These are only illusions of happiness-they are not stationary like our souls. If we constantly give our power away to them, then we will never be balanced or genuinely fulfilled. I encourage you to step back and separate yourselves from the external factors presently in your life. What you will have left to face is yourself. Talk to yourself and gently remind your soul that your true essence is not conditional on these factors. They are only illusions that you have placed your power in. True happiness and self-fulfillment comes to us when we can strip away the false notion that anything outside of ourselves can ever offer us true lasting happiness.
Namaste.

We Cannot Learn To Live Until We Have Mastered An Understanding of Death

Death, the final frontier or the signal of another birth for our spirits? From the moment we are born, we are aware of our mortality. It is all around us. People are born and people die. We focus so much on the beginning and the end that we can easily forget to embrace the moment. What if someone were to tell you that death was not the end but simply your spirit leaving this physical body and returning to source. Once it left this body, it's spiritual journey continued, never ending. Would you live your life differently knowing that death was not the end, and spirit continues to exist and grow? Most of us don't cognitively want to acknowledge our lives eventually ending. It scares us to think that we will die and no longer be in this physical realm. For many death is frightening because we are confused about where we go afterwards.

Most Christians believe that they will go to Heaven, yet there are many people still left wondering where they will end up. The reality is if we hang on to this notion of dying too tightly, then our fear may keep us from fully living. Each of us has to come to terms with death in our own way. For many years I never questioned death much. Perhaps that was just the invincibility that youth brings. Something changed after I had my children. I began to worry about what would happen to my children if I were to cross over. This new question of death began to bleed into my life and that terrified me. I would lie awake at nights questioning and pondering where we go after we leave our bodies, and if this was it.

During a recent meditation, something magical happened. It was as if a calming voice told me that death was only the end of our flesh and not our spirits. After we left this physical body, our spirits moved on. Whether we came back again was up to us. I did not question it. It made sense and I somehow understood it. Does that mean that I still won't feel afraid to die? No, it just means that the question of where I go, the question of death's finality has been answered for me. learning to let go of the physical plane is hard for those spirits that love life and their 'humanness.'

There is calmness in the wake of this realization for me. While I want to stay here on earth and drink in all of her beauty, I also know that when my time is up, I will continue to exist on a different plane. I will grow and evolve and begin a new journey either back on earth or somewhere else. None of us can ever say what is. Einstein suggested that there were different planes or platforms existing simultaneously. Perhaps that is where we exist after we leave our physical bodies. We write our own script here on earth. We also write our own spiritual script after we leave. Only we can decide for ourselves what is right for us and for our own personal spiritual journey. Being open to the idea that we shift from one plane to another may help us live our lives here on earth to the fullest. Namaste!

Believing That Change Is Good

Change...an integral part of life, yet one of the hardest processes to accept as human beings. People feel helpless when they are faced with the thought of change and often struggle with where to begin. I have found that the best place to begin, is right where you are. Look at it like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. You never question the first piece you begin with. You simply have faith that the end result will bring completion. That is also the most effective way to tackle the process of change within ourselves. If we wait for that perfect moment, like that perfect piece, then we may never begin our quest for self-actualization. Change is hard- it takes courage, strength and discipline. We have to want to change for it to ever last and be authentic.

Many of us may have been victims as children, but over time we became victims of negative behavior patterns. We can change these patterns and become the people we want to be, but first we must acknowledge that we need to change. Once we have faced that calling deep within us to move in a new direction, then we need the courage to start walking. The very core of nature, is change. It is about birth and rebirth. It does not resist that process. Like nature, we to are constantly changing. Whether we recognize it or not. It only makes sense that we should welcome the opportunity to shed our old outdated modes of thinking and interacting with those around us, and strive to become better and newer versions of ourselves. We don't think twice about upgrading our cars or phones for newer more advanced models, yet we do not seem to feel that way about ourselves.

Our daily mantra should be "I embrace change in myself and others." Change is scary because of its intrinsic rippling effect. When someone close to us changes, it challenges us to adjust and possibly re-evaluate ourselves and that can make us feel angry and resentful. especially if we are not open to change. We have to allow and encourage other's personal growth. We cannot be selfish and expect that our loved ones should not upset the apple cart because of how it might affect us. We are all here to grow and evolve spiritually. If we are not courageous enough to look deep within ourselves and make a shift, then we should allow ourselves to be inspired by those that do have the courage. Let them be our teachers and flow with them as they evolve in their quest for change. If we cannot do this, then we should bless them and set them free. The time to begin change is right at this moment. So pick up that first piece of the puzzle and have faith that the final picture will be you as the perfect being you deserve to be. Namaste

Realizing That Our Fears Have Power Only If We Let Them

Fear is a part of our biological makeup. It reminds us that we are human and motivates us to recognize danger and act appropriately. As children we all recall being frightened by something. For many of us, it was a hideous creature lurking under our beds or dwelling in the cavernous realms of our closets. In reality, those monsters were only figments of our imagination and a byproduct of our struggle for autonomy. As adults, it can be easy to give into our fears and find ourselves once again like those frightened children clinging to our teddy bears and waiting for our parents to reassure us that we are safe. The first step in not falling prey to our fears, is to recognize them as they rear their nasty little heads and then to realize that they only have as much power as we allow them.

Some fears are legitimate. They speak to us about things we need to address. For example, if we don't pay our electric bill on time, then we face the reality of having our lights turned off. These little fears are a part of day to day living and simply keep us moving in the way society expects us to move. Yet other fears can be more then gentle reminders of the things we are expected to do in order to be deemed responsible. There are the fears that are like the pre shocks of an earthquake. they start off small but if we give them too much power, they can have catastrophic effects.

Although most people don't realize it, The anatomy of a fear is quite precise for each individual. It starts out like thus. Someone is arguing with their partner about money and makes an angry comment about how irresponsible the other is. Sure enough, there might be some validity in that, but the person is too angry and hurt to recognize it. They hurl back accusations and both people storm off angry. The person who was accused of being irresponsible begins to ruminate and rather than vow to find resolution continues to feel angry and resentful, indignant even. What they fail to realize is that the schemas in their subconscious mind have hooked on to past unresolved experiences where they might have been told they were irresponsible. So now, the fear and insecurity kicks in and regardless of whether there was any truth to the accusation or not, the center of the brain where fear is regulated has fledged a full blown attack.

In order to understand fear, we first to accept that we all have ingrained patterns of dealing with and resolving problems. Some of you are crying out, "But wait, I really DO have something to be afraid of. I lost my job and they are going to come and repo my car any day. How can I NOT be afraid?" That is a valid question. Of course one would be fearful in a situation like that. Yet, rather than allow yourself to ruminate and let the fear paralyze you into inactivity. Try to break the cycle of fear and look back on all the times in the past when you were at your darkest hour and things did somehow work out. It is not that the fears are being ignored, they are just not being indulged like a spoiled child. It means taking an honest look at the fear and being clear that you are not reacting to all of your past fears turning this moderate wave into a tsunami.

Fear is part of our lives and as human beings we will always come up against it. Yet, when we know how to respond to it, then we become empowered and fear no longer has the ability to run our lives. Treat fear like a child. It needs to be guided and disciplined because it has not developed enough to be independent of its parents. A child can't be allowed to do what it wants, or it would become out of control and have no boundaries. When fear pops into our minds. Acknowledge its existence and be patient with it, but don't indulge it. Examine its validity and be certain that you are not confusing a current fear with unresolved childhood fears. Growth takes courage and fear can be one of the greatest opportunities for emotional maturity if we allow it to be. Go ahead. What are you afraid of? Namaste

Learning To Inspire Ourselves First

Inspiration is a funny thing indeed. One moment we can have a flash of genius only to return to our day to day mundane thoughts the next moment. We all want to be " inspired," or to find our muse. Why is it we never look to ourselves and aspire to be our own muses? Once again it goes back to the way society programs us to look outward for everything. As children we are encouraged to put others first and we begin to equate satisfying our needs with something bad. We are told that to put ourselves first is not what good people do, and putting others before us is the key to lasting happiness. I would argue that while being a thoughtful person is valuable, putting others before our own needs creates inner turmoil and perhaps even resentment. It creates an unnatural inner environment.

For true happiness to ever exist within any of us, we must re-program the way we were taught to place others before us. When people first hear this, many are shocked, because to even entertain the idea is wrong and they are instantly guilt-ridden. There is a reason when you’re on a plane you are instructed to put the oxygen mask on yourself first if you’re a parent. You cannot save someone else, if you don't save yourself first. Why do we not look at that as selfish? Perhaps because it makes perfect sense. If we feel uninspired or stuck in our lives, perhaps we are spending too much time looking outward for the answers. There is a reason why we begin and end our life journey alone. We have to learn to be separate above all else. It is not bad to place ourselves and our needs before others. Imagine if you will that everyone's life is like a garden. If you spend all your time in other people's garden, then you have no time to cultivate your own. It will be full of weeds and dead flowers. Who wants to be in a place like that? If we all tended to our own gardens, then we could all enjoy the splender of one another's sacred gardens and life would be richer.

Learning to inspire ourselves first means taking the time to get to know ourselves. We live in such a fast-paced world that many argue they simply don't have the time to slow down and smell the roses. The Italians have one main creed they live by. " dolce far niente." Translated that means the sweetness of doing nothing. They close up their businesses and schools every day at lunch, and the families spend several hours enjoying the sweetness of doing nothing but eating, laughing and loving. As Americans we have much to learn from them. We never stop going. Everything is fast. faster food, faster internet speed, faster phones. We never slow down long enough to even smell the coffee we bought at Starbucks. If we are to be happy, we simply have to slow down and make the time to put ourselves first. We have to make a conscious decision to make inspiration a part of our daily lives and that inspiration must be a calling from within.

Meditation comes in many forms. Not all of us can sit patiently for long periods of time and go into a deep trance. Unfortunately for many, they have a misconception of what meditation is. For years I tried to meditate but having ADD can really make sitting and focusing a challenge. I have re-defined the idea of meditation for myself to make it realistic and applicable to myself. I encourage others to do the same. Meditation is simply dedicated time to going within. It doesn't have to involve chanting or mantras. It can be as simple as closing your eyes and taking several deep breaths. Not putting a time constraint on it, or any expectations. It can be creating a refuge where there are no problems,or people that demand anything of you. It is a place where you can be the star. Most importantly it is your space. it belongs only to you and if you spend the time developing it, it can be a place you look forward to retreating to. We have to recharge as humans. Our spirituality is not some new age concept, it is an integral part of our existence Learning to find a way to seek out alone time will inspire you to become the person you want to be, and in time it can teach you to become your own muse. Namaste!

Finding Our Own Answers Within

As children we are taught to look toward our parents or the caretakers in our lives for answers. We then looked toward our teachers and authority figures. It would simply make sense that as adults we would continue to look outside of ourselves to find answers. Yet at some point after years of fruitless searching many of us reach a point in our inner-journey where we realize other's answers may not necessarily be our own. To finally realize that we have to make our own way can be painful and even cataclysmic for some. It goes back to that existential aloneness that all humans eventually must face. There are those that would have us believe that without their knowledge we don't stand a chance of finding the answers we need to evolve. That is simply not true. While there are those that can inspire us with their awareness, we ultimately are the ones who must find our own way.

many ask "How do I find the answers, when all I have are questions?" that is indeed a legitimate question. We all struggle with who we are and what our purpose is here on earth. Many believe that we are all spiritual beings having a human experience. When a person is drowning, the worst thing they can do is fight. They will tire eventually and die. It is much the same with our spiritual journeys. We have to stop struggling and accept who we are right now. That is not always easy, especially if we are facing difficult circumstances in our lives. As humans we spend so much time trying to hang on to everything and everyone in our lives. Letting go is something we are conditioned to avoid. We rationalize with ourselves by saying if I let go of this person or this situation, then I will be alone and suffer and that is just too scary, so I will just hang on for dear life. Suffering is a part of the human condition. Life is full of suffering, but by holding on to people or things longer than we should, then we are creating our own suffering. We have to learn to go within and act as our own advisors.

A wonderful exercise has to do with visualization. It is particularly great for those who are not at the point where they can meditate. We have our imaginations for a reason, so use it. When you are about to drift off to sleep or anytime throughout the day when you are struggling with a problem. Close your eyes and create a person in your mind. Spend the time to really get to know that person. What they look like, the way they talk, how they make you feel. Use them as a sounding board when you are struggling with a problem. Talk to them and get their opinion. Over time, you will begin to see that the person in your imagination is your higher self. this person has the right answers because they are part of you. they know you and love you. While it is nice to bounce ideas off of friends and loved ones, in the end we have to make our own decisions. having an advocate within yourself is the key. It means you trust yourself and your ability to make healthy decisions. It is a powerful exercise that I created for myself and I cannot say enough about how much it works. the empowerment you will gain is incredible. It will gently wake up your soul and teach you to stop looking outward for answers. Namaste!

Learning To Trust In Others Begins With Learning To Trust Ourselves

Trust is a funny thing, either you have it or you don't. When it comes to the question of trust, most psychologists agree with Bowlby's theory of attachment. If an infant is raised in an environment where their caretaker(s) is present and nurturing then more often than not the child trusts that the world is a safe place to explore. That being said, even the most trusting of children can lose their ability to trust if their family is fractured by divorce or death. Trust is the glue that binds relationships. If that epoxy is not the foundation of any relationship, then like a poorly built boat, eventually it will spring a leak and sink.

Trust can be as elusive as a jaguar, and as resilient as nature. The key to trusting others, begins with a strong trust in self. That means knowing who we are and having faith that we can pick people to care about us that are worthy of our love. It also means knowing when things are not healthy for us and having the trust we need to move on. How do we trust ourselves? The first step is self-evaluation. We have to be honest enough with ourselves to acknowledge that we may not place as much trust in ourselves as we should. This is typically obvious in the quality of our life and relationships. If we are not happy, then we are not trusting our worth. When we trust in ourselves, we know that we deserve joy thus we seek out only those people and experiences that honor us.

If we are totally honest with ourselves, we can recall relationships that we knew were not entirely healthy for us. Not necessarily destructive, but simply not supportive of our intrinsic value. Most of us eventually walked away, but for some the price was high. Our self-esteem was affected and it made it even more likely that we would end up in another relationship that did not honor the great people we were. Do we subconsciously seek out relationships and experiences that allow us to replay our childhoods? If we felt unloved as a child, as adults will we seek out that love with a stranger? The experts agree that there is some truth to that theory. Unfortunately for many, the people that they attempt to receive love from, are as emotionally unavailable as their childhood caretakers, thus it becomes a catch 22. Only until we step back from our relationships and have the courage to honestly examine them, will we see just how little trust some of us might have actually had.

We come into this life alone and we die alone, yet in between we have the privilege to love and be loved. the great Carl Jung posited that without "you" there can be no real sense of "me." As human beings we do need interaction with other human beings. We all crave love and want to feel close to others. Yet, if we cannot embrace our separateness, then we can never fully appreciate our togetherness. So many look at the periods when they are in between relationships as misery personified. They are "lonesome," and feel like they are in idle until they meet that special someone that will fill them up. Sadly, they miss a wonderful opportunity to build up a strong and loving relationship with themselves. They never fully grasp the concept that the greater the relationship they build with themselves, the greater their future relationships with others can be.

Today have the courage to examine your life. Are you happy with where it is going? Are you happy in your relationships? Is it hard to be alone? We don't have to be single to learn to trust ourselves. We have the ability to step back within a relationship and reclaim ourselves at any given moment. Ask yourself honestly "do I trust myself?" Some people may shrug their shoulders and answer sheepishly, "I don't know." On the back of the dollar bill it says "In God we trust." we have seen it our whole lives, and we never question it. Most people simply trust in God, yet where is it written "trust in self"? Do we think it is selfish or narcissistic to place more trust in ourselves then those around us? Why can we not be autonomous first? Place trust in yourself first and you will see how much happier and healthier your relationships can be. Remember "In self we trust."